Marriage, Singleness

Day 1: How to Find the Love of Your Life

5waysloveoflife2Ut-oh. Do I hear a skeptic groan and eye roll from some of you single peeps? I know. I know. It’s a bit cliché, a bit overused.

I remember the beat down of the constant reminder from others that I was single. Ugh. I wanted to poke some eyes out. Ya’ know what I’m saying?

But, nonetheless, here I am at a safe distance from eye poking, screen to screen, to share with you a few truth points I learned. And, I hope they will help you, too.

I <3 you too (Explored) Linh Nguyen via Compfight

I offer a conversation and cup of caramel drizzled coffee to anyone:

who is struggling with a “zero love life” right now

who knows of someone who needs some guidance and you’ve said all you can

who is worried because they’ve made mistake after mistake in dating

who is scared that they will miss out on finding the love of your life

who has actually lost the love of your life (I can see your faces, sweet friends) and you can’t imagine anyone else “filling your brain” (like Mary from Downton Abby said of Matthew).

There is no set formula. There is not a magic “one thing” anyone can do to attract like a magnet the love of your life.

BUT, there are specific characteristics that you can weave into the fabric of your heart that positions you to make wise choices and be available for a healthy relationship.

Over 15 years of teaching and disciplining beautiful, young single girls, this topic has come up. And, there are 5 things that have sifted to the top of every conversation. Over and over again. In deafening repetition.

I speak only from my own experience. I hope that it will spark evaluation and thinking in your own heart.

To find the love of your life….

stop looking

I graduated from college, moved to DFW to start my first teaching job, and was on the HUNT!  The hunt to find “my man.”

girl in san fransisco
1996: traveling in San Francisco, enjoying freedom and first job money to travel

I had already missed the predetermined dot for marriage.  Although I wasn’t desperate yet, I needed to get on the ball and find him.

life plan, got to get marriedTwo things happened:

1. I psyched myself out! Instead of enjoying meeting new people and developing healthy relationships, I looked at every guy as a “candidate.”  In doing so, I placed a heavy weight of importance on mutual like and attraction. I froze up! I was not my authentic self.  It was awful! I felt like a failure.

2. I was missing my true purpose. From early on, my defined purpose in life was to get married.  And, I was trying so hard to achieve it.

But Paul says, “Everything comes from God alone. Everything lives by His power, and everything is for His glory.” Romans 11:36 (LB)

My purpose is to glorify God.

(For more insight on this topic, get Rick Warren’s The Purpose Driven Life)

So, HOW do you stop looking?

 LOOK somewhere else!

Re-evaluate and declare a new purpose.

dropped the “hunt.”

I began to invest in my church singles group.

I began to develop girlfriend relationships.

I began to do something beyond myself and help others.

I began to pour my extra time into learning more about God, spending many Friday nights alone.

I still dated but I wasn’t so hyped up on missing the “opportunity.”

My focus moved from finding a man to knowing more of God and allowing Him to establish His purpose in me.

With our coffee mugs in hand, I encourage you. God’s got a great plan for you.  He has created you for a specific purpose to bring glory to Him. No other person can fill you up like He can. Look for ways to invest in others. Look for ways to learn more about Jesus, bit by bit.  And. stop. looking.

5 squareMeet you back here TOMORROW for Day 2!

1 thought on “Day 1: How to Find the Love of Your Life

  1. My sister struggled with this a little bit. I am 8 years younger than her and I remember her being afraid she wouldn’t find anyone and end up an old cat lady. I used to laugh to myself about it. She was 25/26, still young, and such an amazingly beautiful person, inside and out. I knew there was no way she would end up alone. Too amazing of person to go without a partner and to go without creating another amazing person for the world.

    Now, that I’m 25, I catch myself thinking that way! I still have 20/30 years before I need to worry about being an old maid. I’m still looking for a church to become a member of, figuring out school and future careers, and just exploring life. I remind myself there is still so much to do!

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