Every day, I find myself all twisted up with this Mom Guilt as it squeezes my insides.
I look at my kids and see all the ways in which I am failing them.
I emphasize their wrong choices as a direct devaluation of my parenting efforts.
I think of what I could be doing, should be doing for them, with them.
I compare myself to other moms and realize that I’m not as fun, energetic, creative.
Then, I parent from this space of insecurity, shame, and with feelings of incompetency. I discipline out of fear that I will turn out to be who I abhor and fail miserably as a parent. I interact with them through a scowl and crankiness.
It’s a hot mess when my insides get twisted up with mom guilt. How about you? Do you sometimes feel this way? In what ways?
This week, it is time to change things. We are not meant to live like this. We are forfeiting the very joy and blessing of being a parent. We are missing out on building valuable life-long relationships with our children. It’s time to OFFLOAD.
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off·load ˈôfˌlōd (verb)
rid oneself of (something) by selling or passing it on to someone else;
relieve oneself of (a problem or worry) by talking to someone else[/nbox]
This is such a beautiful and appropriate word for the very thing I pray we do this week: offload.
Passing the burden of shame to Someone else.
Releasing ourselves as we talk about it together and with our Almighty Father.
So get your shovels, scoop out a heapful of shame and pass it on to Jesus. He says to you,
Also to note: We are talking about SHAME here. Mom GUILT is such a cliché and usually we not really dealing with guilt at all (learn the difference here). But, because it is an understandable, identifiable cliché, let’s keep it at MoM GUiLT this week.
So, five things that help me not sink so low. Five things that I use on a daily basis. Five things that I need to be reminded of this week. Five things I hope will help you in your parenting journey. Five things to offload the mom guilt.
The first one is to remember:
In those moments that I just can’t stand it…
…when the diaper needs to be changed at the exact time of putting dinner on the table. Ugh, having to clean the poo just before I eat.
…when my two-year old throws a fit for just about everything (getting out of bed, taking a bath, getting shoes on, eating green beans.).
…when my pre-teen comes down with the throw-up bug, then the 9-year-old, then the husband within 12 hours on Thanksgiving Day.
“It won’t ways be like this,” through gritted teeth or my wimpering cries.
Somehow that’s comforting.
Perspective is precious.
Also in moments of sweetness, those pondering-Mary-moments that you just want to bottle up:
This was Valentines Day 2012. Reed’s puffy lil baby hands. Max pre-middle school boyishness and pre-Diabetes diagnosis. Jake glasses that were continuously crooked before he had his one contact. Sweet, sweet times.
It won’t always be like this.
So, let’s gain some perspective. Realize that it won’t always be like this. Mom Guilt has NO PLACE and I’ve got NO TIME for it in these fleeting precious moments. Do you?
“Show me, Lord, my life’s end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting my life is.