Marriage, Relationships

Day 3: How to Speak LOVE into your Marriage

halloween couple
Lovebirds or Jailbirds? Halloween 2000

Intense discussions.  Heated arguments. Fights. Conflicts within a marriage are hard.

Things are said. Emotions are unleashed. And often, you are driven to win.

How do you REconnect with your spouse after all that emotional and verbal splatter?

How do you NOT allow this fight to resurface again and again?

It’s hard, I know. Throughout 15 years of marriage, I have learned, am still learning, the value of reconciliation.

reconciliation, marriage advice

Reconciliation involves a humble apology and/or a gracious acceptance of an apology from your spouse.

This week, we are experimenting with “How to Speak Love into your Marriage.”

1. Different, not deficient.

2. Is there anything I can do for you today?

 I’m very interested…how did it go yesterday asking your spouse that question?

Today’s experiment involves reconciliation and encourages you to say:

marriage advice
The character quality of Humility with the Biblical truth from Philippians 2:3

Sometimes our apologies are just thrown out there with a flippant “I’m sorry” — hoping it’ll all be over quickly, and we can move on.

How in the world are you supposed to respond to “I’m sorry?”


I’m sorry too.

You should be!


Does that really bring reconciliation?

Does that really restore a friendly relationship with your spouse?

Does it really reestablish a close relationship?

No. No, it doesn’t. Not for me.

We are taking it a step further today. We are moving beyond “I’m sorry” and extending a humble request for forgiveness.

This apology offers an opportunity for response.

Their response.

Always moving towards reconciliation.

I love it and… I hate it.

There are times…

when my husband extends a request to forgive but I can’t answer with a “yes” yet. I’m still mad. Still hurt. Still fuming.  Still rebounding from the emotional intensity.  I have to deal and let go of some anger, irritation, emotions, stubbornness, forgiveness, whatever before I accept his apology.

There are times…

when I know I’m wrong, I really do, but there is no way I’m going to admit it!  I don’t even feel like reconciling. I may end up throwing an “I’m sorry” out there but refuse to go the extra step and ask him to forgive me.

This kind of reconciling apology can be challenging because it requires…

humilty in apology

Admitting that I was wrong.

Admitting that I said things to hurt you.

Admitting that I allowed my own insecurities to cloud my filter of who I know you to be.

I’m sorry. Will you forgive me?

Ultimately, I do want to move on.

Ultimately, I do want to reconcile. I don’t want to stay in this angry, bitter space.

So with these words, I can move into forgiveness and restoration.

[nbox type=error]


1.  Think about any unresolved issue you may have with your spouse. Is it something you need to say “I’m sorry. Will you please forgive me” for?

2.  Or, if you have already engaged in a snappy, intense argument with your spouse today, do you need to apologize, truly apologize, extending a hand of reconciliation with

“Will you please forgive me?”

Take a deep breath.

Swallow your pride.

It’s a start, a beginning to restoring friendly relations with your spouse.

It is so worth it!


I love this verse- a strong and steady anchor to the truth. It is one of those that I should print out and put around the house as I deal with laundry, priorities, my children, and, most definitely, my husband!

Philippians 2:3
Photo: Brandon Warren via Compfight, Design: Amy Ruth

Can’t wait to hear how your experiment goes…

I’ll see ya back here again tomorrow for Day 4: “Thank you for working so hard for us!”