Marriage, Relationships

Day 5: How to Speak LOVE into your Marriage


I remember the first time Brandon told me… he loved me.

We had known each other for FIVE YEARS and had been dating for SEVEN MONTHS.

Those three little words held so much meaning to me. I replayed them over and over in my heart.

ONE MONTH later, he proposed!

As our week-long focus “How to Speak LOVE into your Marriage” concludes today, we are ENDing where it all usually BEGINS…with an

i love you

But in marriage, “I love you” can easily become a washed-out, emotionless saying, almost a “go-to” salutation, or rarely uttered at all.

Why is that?

Years of habit,

walls of bitterness,

complacent cohabitation?

Those three words that at one time zinged us with electrical currents now sound more like a cough or a sneeze from the person you share your life with.

“I love you” mumbled as you walk out the door.

“I love you” to conclude a phone conversation.

Or, maybe you haven’t said or heard “I love you” for a while now. It only seems to exist as an understood.

But in learning to speak LOVE into our marriage, let’s actually speak L – O – V – E to our spouse honestly, thoughtfully, and specifically.

Today, we are experimenting with “I love you” by flicking off the period and adding a dot – dot – dot!

marriage advice“I love you because…” adds thought, specificity, and intimacy. Only you may know unique things about your spouse that make them truly great!  Let’s be intentional to tell them that we love them…and WHY we do.

I love you because… you are so strong in leading our family.

I love you because…you tirelessly work to keep the house clean and laundry folded.

I love you because…you are so kind to our neighbors.

You can also communicate love by saying:

I respect you because…you handle difficult conflicts with confidence and smarts!

I respect you because…you are diligent in reading the Bible through in a year.

I respect you because…you do the hard things well.

marriage advice

As a sidenote, when thinking about “the because” and “the why,” I initially began listing how he made me feel, how he made me become, how he makes me look.

I love you because… of how you love me.

I love you because… you make me feel loved.

I love you becauseI feel beautiful with you.

All very true.

But remember, this experiment is not about you.  It’s about loving them.  So, try to refrain from saying you love ’em because of how they make YOU feel!

Instead, capitalize on this experimental opportunity by getting a bit more specific. Think of some qualities or characteristics IN THEM that you admire, respect, and love.

Love and respect are embossed with this strong and clear Biblical truth:

Ephesians 5:33

If God tells us to, it is the best thing for us to do!

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Make a list of 8-10 “I love you because…” and/or “I respect you because…” Be thoughtful, specific, and lovingly respectful.  Then, find a moment today to say it to them, maybe in a text or a note or an email or a phone call or eyeball-to-eyeball.

It may feel very awkward if you are out of practice. But, that’s ok. Just because it feels weird, doesn’t mean it’s not a valuable thing to do!

Then tomorrow, pick another one off the list and speak some more LOVE to your spouse. Then Sunday, pick another. Then…you get the idea.

Speak it regardless of their response to you.  Speak it whether they say it back or not. Just, speak it.


See what God will do in your heart and marriage as you speak LOVE literally to your spouse!

It’s been such a great week of getting real in our marriages. I hope that you will continue “the experiment.” Let’s look back at the ones we talked about this week (click on picture to go to post)…

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…and add some more of your own!

Blessings to you and your marriage! It’s been a delight to journey this week with you, sweet friend.

5 ways in 5 days

I’ll meet you back here next week!

4 thoughts on “Day 5: How to Speak LOVE into your Marriage

  1. Thank you so much for this series! I loved participating and thought it was very timely for my marriage as we recently welcomed our 3rd baby boy (6 weeks ago =)) and our marriage has been just a tad neglected lately. I’m excited to continue reading here.

    1. Meggie, that makes me so happy! I jumped over to your blog and love seeing who you are! 3 boy households have a special place in my heart. So darling! I remember the new baby transition being very challenging…for everything. Will be praying for you focus, priority, and SLEEP!

  2. I have learned that because of my husband’s bent toward perfectionism, I have to be careful not to link “love” with “performing” (doing). A perfectionist believes that if he performs well, he is loved; if he does not perform well, love is withdrawn. It makes it tricky to express my love for him linked with gratitude with what he does for me and us.

    It works best for me to say things like, “I love you because of the person you are, a man of integrity,” or “I love you because we share life together and I feel joy when I am with you.”

    Thank you for your post. It is a good reminder.

    1. Sharon, love that wisdom. Being a perfectionist, I know all too well the linking of love to performance. How wonderful that you are sensitive and aware in choosing how to love your husband by saying the words he most needs to hear. My husband is such a patience learner with all my crazy perfectionist filters as well. Thankful for God’s sweet gift wrapped up in our spouses. Blessings to you!

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